7:56 am - rudely awakened by teen #1 who's in a complete panic because she slept in and missed her ride to weights/track workout. Am begged to jump up and take her ASAP. Respond, "You snooze, you lose, girlfriend".
7:57 am - remember I agreed to give teen #1's friend a ride home afterwards so it would be awkward if teen wasn't there. Grumpily get up and wonder out loud if teen's ride forgot to come get her because I think I would have been woken by a knock on the door. Teen says, "well the doorbell ringing is what woke me up..." Realize I was obviously in a cryogenic sleep and feel deep foreboding over our back-to-school morning transition, come September.
8:20 am - arrive back home from dropping teen off to find child #3 (8 years old), dressed in pajamas, riding his scooter in the driveway.
Me: "Morning, bud! I didn't think you'd wake up while I was gone, is your brother (teen #2) up too?"
Child #3: "Cooper's here? I thought you guys were all gone!"
Me: "You woke up and thought you were all alone... so you came outside to ride your scooter?!"
Child #3: "I'm practicing my jumps, mom!"
Me: *stares blankly at strange child*
Obviously have a third child on my hands. After reminding him I would never leave him home alone, and that his brother slept in his tent in the backyard last night, dutifully watch him do jumps over sticks with his scooter for ten hours. (Or two minutes. SAME DIFF.)
8:25 am - climb back in bed to browse instagram/facebook/twitter/blogs until it's time to go back to town to pick up teen #1 because technically I would have still been sleeping if not for the early interruption and wouldn't have started doing house chores yet. Feel no regret.
10:00 am - back home from daughter pick up/friend drop off/gas stop/coffee drive-thru. Kick boys off Minecraft and tell them I'm going to the bathroom and then it's chore time so, "brace yourselves". While in bathroom browse phone again (I'm sorry, it happens. And it's summer. So I'm not sorry.) and come across very interesting article and decide to flop across bed to finish it. Rabbit trail through several news stories and political commentary until I realize my phone is at 20% battery and it's 11:00 am. Plug phone in on nightstand and swear not to touch it for 6 hours.
11:00 am - announce that it's FOR REAL chore time and discover teen #2 has completely cleaned living room/kitchen/bathroom/and laundry and everything looks immaculate, and he is now listening to an audiobook while relaxing on the couch.
Me: "Cooper! Why did you do all this before I even assigned chores? Also, why are you an angel sent to me from heaven?"
Teen #2: "I just hate putting off chores. I like to get them done as quickly as possible so I can be free!"
Me (in front of the other two children I birthed): "YOU ARE MY FAVORITE OF ALL MY CHILDREN AND I LOVE YOU THE VERY, VERY MOST OF ALL!"
Teen #1: *rolls eyes*
Child #3: *giggles*
Me: *performs happy dance then kisses and hugs teen #2 profusely*
Teen #2: *squirms away and returns to audiobook*
11:05 - 12:30 pm: power-chore time with teen #1 and child #3. Get everything done that needs doing plus a few extras (sweep cobwebs off siding, move pavers that used to be our deck steps now we have real ones, skim pool, etc.) Pat self on back that we are quick and efficient workers when we want to be.
12:30 pm: do-what-we-want time. I read several chapters of a new bible study book I've started. Teen #1 plays the piano and sings. Teen #2 creates stop motion videos with very elaborate backdrops that I keep having to climb over. Child #3 disappears for a while and I discover him cruising up and down our elderly neighbor's driveway on Mr. Hiscoe's motorized mobility scooter while Mrs. Hiscoe gardens in her muumuu and Mr. Hiscoe supervises. Again, THIRD CHILD.
2:00 pm: drop teens off at dentist for cleanings and take child #3 to park. Supervise CLOSELY, for obvious reasons.
3:30 pm: arrive back home and decide I can fit in a 20 minute power nap before husband arrives home at 4 pm and it's time to start dinner.
3:35 pm: husband Facetimes from Home Depot and needs me to walk outside and measure something. Wail and gnash teeth at the unfairness of life and forlornly wave goodbye to naptime. Proceed to argue about what measuring something from "the tip" means. The top? The corner? The top of the corner? Be more specific! I could have been napping!
4:00 pm: I don't even know. But I'm sure I was grumpy for it.
5:00 pm: take teen #1 and neighbor girl to volleyball open gym. Promise to not forget to pick them up like last week and set alarm in phone this time.
5:30 pm: eat homemade dinner with husband and boys and try to put a damper on all the potty humor going down.
6:30 pm: remember to go get girls from open gym. (Because alarm goes off.) Give self an atta girl for thinking to set alarm. Girl, you brilliant.
7:00 pm: watch husband and his best friend install and hook up can lights in front porch roof and dance for joy at outdoor lighting on front porch for the first time in over ten years! Ponder the thought that it only took an hour to complete a project that's been needed for over a decade. Quickly decide to move on. (Also water flower beds.)
8:00 pm: Watch America's Got Talent with the family while child #3 drives toy cars over my legs because my quilt has "roads" (patchwork intertwining circles) all over it. Don't even mind because FREE LEG MASSAGE.
10:00 pm: kiss all family members goodnight and consider climbing in bed too, but succumb to the pull of Friends season 9 on Netflix. Tell self you can nap tomorrow. (Ignore self who reminds you that never seems to work out.)
Midnight: while shutting down house, turn on new porch lights for the 7th or 20th time and grin like a Cheshire cat. It's been a wonderful day.