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How to shop yourself to death - a tutorial

4.08.2011

Haven't seen a tutorial around here in a while have you? Well let me remedy that!

Step 1. Plan a supply shopping trip the day before a large event that you are in charge of (say like... hmmm... Scrap Around the Clock for example) and decide to couple it with your own grocery shopping because it's payday and you want your tank of gas to last more than TWO DAYS for goodness sake. 

2. Prepare to leave at 8 am when your kids go to school and be back by 2:30 pm when they're out so that you can have an afternoon at home, and possibly a nap, before having to go back down to the school at 6:30 pm for the set up of said event. 

3. Leave your house at 8:40 am and congratulate yourself on being less than an hour behind schedule. Well done you!

4. Drop your three year old off at your parent's house so your Mom can watch him while you shop and visit for half an hour. 

5. Then stop by the school on your way by and visit with your sister for 10 minutes. 

6. Officially leave for shopping at 9:45 am, making the 35 minute drive up into town.

7. Stop for gas.

8. Stop at the bank. 

9. Stop for a 16 oz single shot extra sweet coconut white mocha with no whip. Or any coffee really, whatever floats your boat.

10. Run into JoAnn's Fabric to quickly browse their scrapbooking section for sales and lose a half hour of your life. 

11. Dash into Walmart for scrapbook table coverings, calling your best friend (who is also out shopping) on your way inside, and plan to meet in one hour for lunch, which is when you guesstimate you'll be done with Walmart, Dollar Tree, and the local scrapbook store.

12. Run into your sister-in-law. Visit.

13. Run into your other sister-in-law. Visit some more.

14. Come across your church's childrens pastors. Laugh at the coincidence of running into so many people you know and discuss topics like Easter gifts and funny pranks before finally parting ways.

15. Realize that it's been an hour and you are STILL inside Walmart. Shake your head at yourself and prepare to call your friend to cancel lunch, only to receive a text from her at that exact moment saying that she's running behind and better not stop to eat. Smile as you are reminded once again why you are best friends.

16. Finish your scrap supply shopping and finally begin grocery shopping at 1:30 pm. Oh yes, you've long realized you'd never have made it back to get your kids by 2:30 pm and have already made arrangements to have your sister grab them and take them to your mom's. Also known as the saint above all saints.

17. Get a call from another friend, who's car has broken down while she's out shopping, and agree to go try and help. MAKE YOUR WAY BACK TO WALMART. And grab a Subway sandwich inside because it's now 3:00 pm and you're starving.

18. Leave Walmart for the second time in one day at 3:30 pm, glad that your friend is back on the road in a working vehicle once again (no help to you sadly, but at least you were there for moral support) and head to your last planned stop of the day: Costco. 

19. Discover that Costco will not refill the printer ink pack that your sister sent with you so that she could have her printer working at tomorrow's Scrap Around the Clock and call her to let her know. Find out that her only other option is the Office Max store BACK UP THE ROAD ACROSS THE STREET FROM WALMART and resignedly offer to go there so she doesn't have to drive all the way up into town for one single errand herself.

20. Finally arrive back at your parents house to pick up your children at 5:40 pm, almost 8 1/2 HOURS AFTER YOU LEFT. Jet it back home to unload and shove groceries into your refrigerator before leaving again in 25 minutes flat to set up for the big event you're in charge of. Kiss your husband hi and bye as you rush past him.

21. Spend the next 2 1/2 hours transforming a gymnasium into a 24-hour scrap retreat room worth marveling over and try to look alive and alert as you begin to CEASE PROPER BRAIN FUNCTION.

22. Arrive back home at 9:00 pm, sore and exhausted, and crash. Literally. Who left groceries all over the kitchen for Pete's sake?

And that's how you do it folks. You might not truly be dead but I can guarantee you will feel like it!

6 comments:

  1. wow!triple-vente-white-mocha-coconut no-whip-extra-super gulp- WOW!

    Am available for child care if you need it.

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  2. I was exhausted just reading about your day!

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  3. As much as I love living out in the middle of nowhere, these are the things that make me want to replant myself. I have days like that ALL the time. My Hubby HATES it when I plan all my errands for one day. I don't really know why since he doesn't go with me. Maybe it's the exhausted and frazzled wife that greets him at the end of the day! :) Have fun this weekend! This event makes me wish I was creative and patient enough to scrap. It's sounds like so much fun!

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  4. Ha ha, love you and your tutorials! What a day, glad you got it all done! It's a good thing we didn't grab lunch together or you would have never made in back! Hope you get a nap today.

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  5. ha ha ha ... isn't it always the days we (think we have) plan so well that go so long and not according to the plan? at least it makes for a fun read!!!

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  6. LOVE it! Most of my days look very similar to this! Glad I'm not the only one who is a hot mess sometimes--or most of the time in my case! :-) You deserve to relax this weekend!

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