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Monday confessional - edition "gross out"


It really speaks volumes about the level of comfort I've reached sharing my life over the internet that I'm about to tell this story. It's embarrassing. And gross. 

Brace yourself. 

After we'd moved to the states and settled in Oregon one of the first things my parents set out to do was buy a vehicle. Now that we were living out in the country, where walking would just get you to the middle of nowhere, it was at the top of the priority list. They bought a maroon minivan - a Dodge caravan if I remember correctly, with a lovely matching maroon interior. Vans were cool once upon a time (before the introduction of SUV's to be exact) and us kids all loved it!

On one of the first trips we took in it, Kelly and I drove into town with our Dad to run some errands and waited in the van while he went into a store to pick something up. It was at this time that I, seated in the front passenger seat with my body turned sideways to talk to Kelly behind me, sneezed loudly and sent a large glob of something flying through the air. I will not go so far as to say (out loud) that it was a loogie, because that would be disgusting! It was more than just spit however, I'll admit that much. 

It landed smack dab in the middle of the driver's seat, about 2.5 seconds before my father came back to the car and opened his door. I stared mutely in horror at first Kelly, and then Dad, who was looking straight at the glob in consternation, a glaring new addition to his plush maroon seat. "What is that?" he asked. 

I had to say something, so I did what any twelve year old girl who is embarrassed of bodily fluids would do. I lied. "I don't know" I replied nonchalantly, and then bent over to inspect it as if I hadn't noticed it before. Unfortunately my father did the same thing, and to my even greater horror, he reached out and TOUCHED IT. 

I died. Right then and there. His hand flew back in disgust and he glared at us both and demanded to know who was responsible for it. As we all know by now, Kelly was never one to cover for a sibling, so I had to fess up. And then clean up. 

I'm pretty sure that I didn't make eye contact with my father for the rest of the day. And now that I've relived this story I'm not sure I'll be able to the next time I see him. 

I'm so sorry Dad, I'm a much more hygienic person now!


  1. And just like that Kelly obtained "shotgun" privileges indefinitely!

  2. The minute I read your response of "I don't know" all I could hear is Cooper saying that same exact thing. :)

  3. Ha, ha... the next time I see a unidentifiable, big, green, slimy, goober I'll know who to blame it on!

  4. Kelly, It's good that you did not cover for her. It would only encourage her lying:)

  5. Hey my green dinosaur egg/minivan is cool, I tell myself that every day, would that be considered a lie? hehe

  6. Thank you Tricia for your support. You are both wise and true.

  7. oh my gosh Jod, that was sooo funny. Think the written version way tops the original recap ...which I did not recalled till you mentioned it.