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How to set yourself up for weight loss (and financial) disaster

9.02.2010

A Tutorial:

  1. Grocery shop for a two week time period, forgetting that a 4 day camping trip will occur half way through the two weeks.
  2. Panic when you realize that you did not specifically shop for said camping trip and now don't know what to bring for snacks.
  3. Mentally lecture yourself for never leaving over any extra grocery money for emergencies - specifically, camping emergencies.
  4. Decide to be frugal and creative and bake snacks.
  5. Discover that your husband has used up all the eggs, leaving the empty shells in the carton in the fridge as a cruel, cruel ruse.
  6. Run to the store to buy eggs.
  7. Take 3 children with you (THIS IS AN IMPORTANT STEP)
  8. Get wildly sidetracked by 3 children in a grocery store and mysteriously purchase $40 worth of groceries.
  9. Mentally lecture yourself for your lack of self-control.
  10. Procrastinate baking till well after dinner.
  11. Put the kids in front of a movie before bedtime and begin making banana bread, adding the flour last.
  12. Discover that you are down to your last dregs of flour and are 1/2 a cup short.
  13. Mentally lecture yourself for being such an airhead not thoroughly checking your ingredients before shopping that afternoon.
  14. Shrug shoulders and finish bread anyway, putting children (and tired husband) to bed while it bakes. 
  15. Pull bread out of the oven as your family is dropping off to sleep, leaving you all alone with it's heavenly fresh-baked aroma tempting you while you sit at the computer.
  16. Decide you better "check" bread to see if the lack of the proper amount of flour affected anything.
  17. Congratulate yourself that it turned out AWESOME!
  18. Eat 1/3 of a loaf. By yourself. 
  19. Mentally lecture yourself for your lack of self-control. 
  20. Take one last taste before heading off to bed, but not before hiding the 1/2 eaten loaf.
Difficulty level: expert. Expert at what exactly, I choose not to discuss.

8 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness...HILARIOUS!! You should have called me. I have eggs. I have flour. I also will bring snacks to family camp so you don't starve!!

    Love it, love you!

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  2. I will bring snacks too ( ..feel I have lived through many of those steps myself , but couldn't write it nearly so cute as you..love you.).

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  3. But through it all you stayed as optimistic as ever and made every body feel like they are not all alone in that boat of "expert"! Good writing.

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  4. Oh Jody, this brought "this is soooooooo funny, I have to read it twice" to me. You are so skilled at writing! I love it!

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  5. Oh! I know why we are friends! But this just confirms it.

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  6. Laughed outloud on step #18! Hilarious. :D

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  7. Umm..hmmm...sooo....left over banana bread?

    ReplyDelete